Several years ago, I embarked on a journey to talk with individuals on the autistic spectrum to understand their challenges and issues better. These discussions were fascinating. One young man, just over 20, shared his experiences during puberty. He described meeting someone and feeling an immediate deep connection over a shared interest. For instance, after discovering a mutual love for a particular computer game within five minutes of meeting, he invited the person to spend the weekend playing the game together. The reaction he received was not positive, and he eventually learned that people view these interactions differently.
He still doesn't fully grasp why people hesitate when there's a common interest but accepts that they do and has developed rules for himself to navigate social interactions. He feels a connection and wants to move forward but understands he needs to follow these rules.
I can relate to this in my interactions with bureaucrats. I feel like I'm on a spectrum of not understanding their language, motives, or perspectives. Let me give you two examples—one concrete and one general.
At one point, I requested to buy some headsets but was told no because it was over a certain limit. When I asked where this rule was written, they eventually allowed the purchase, indicating there was no real reason behind the initial refusal—someone just made it up.
More recently, I had a deeper discussion about our research center's direction. I raised significant questions about our research goals and whether the university was genuinely interested in pursuing research, as it involves taking risks. Our center focuses on applied research, collaborating with external partners, and using real-world data. Occasionally, mistakes happen outside our control, like receiving data that wasn't fully de-identified, which we promptly erased.
I sought clarity on whether we should focus on lab research and surveys or take more risks. However, the discussion was filled with jargon and lacked substance. Ultimately, I realized there was no interest in pursuing research; they just couldn't say it outright. This bureaucratic language baffled me—what are these people really interested in? What motivates them?
The person who initially refused the headphone request—why? What's the point? Those avoiding direct answers about institutional priorities—why? There's something about bureaucracy and its language that eludes me. I feel like I'm on a spectrum in this regard. Though I don't think I'd be diagnosed as autistic, perhaps I should seek a diagnosis because talking to bureaucrats makes me feel like I have some condition—I can't grasp their motivations or language.
Maybe there should be a new spectrum—the bureaucratic autism spectrum—for those who truly can't comprehend what these people are thinking or trying to achieve.
